If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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