doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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