She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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