She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
