I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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