Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
