whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
