Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
