Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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