My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
