Non-Jews are for practice
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
