My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
