At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The struggles of a small town man whore
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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