They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
