My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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