We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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