i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Bring me that man meat
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
