in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
