Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I look better un-naked...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
