if you like me you must not know who I am
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
