I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
