who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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