I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
