i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
