my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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