He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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