I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
