We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
