that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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