Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
