More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
as a side note pls kill me
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
