You really coming over, don't trick.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
