WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
