I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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