the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
