At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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