I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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