I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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