I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I need water and some morals
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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