I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
