Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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