drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You smell like stripper and shame
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
