I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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