guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You ruined the universe
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
