Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
