So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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