Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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