I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
