i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
