someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
