Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize