Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
