ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
