I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
