what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
