Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
