oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she woke up with a sticky ear
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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