the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize