Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
