Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
