U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
