I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
