why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
