I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's never too late to be topless.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
