I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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