apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My bed smells like the plague
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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