I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
