The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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