Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
