ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
