Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
